Sunshine

-->

I have officially been instated in Paris for 4 days. My first day, I’ll easily admit, was a hard one. However, as time goes on, I find myself, little by little, familiarizing with the place. I keep telling myself that this is my home now, and it is working. My room is beginning to feel as if it is my space. The stairs of the building are my stairs. The city is nowhere close to my city—frankly I don’t think I will ever belong to a city—but perhaps Paris will be mine by the time I leave here. I’ve been meaning to get hold of a calendar to put on the wall for the purpose of counting down the days. I know that’s not very optimistic, but I already have less than 9 months. Now that’s being optimistic.

Today was the first day that I saw the sky. I mean real, solid blue sky. I glimpsed patches of it. Before today, the sky had been perpetually dismal. I wondered with despair if I would ever see the sun again. The cold and the wet was sinking into my bones. Nothing depresses me more than the weather. According to the Parisiennes, I have nothing to look forward to; the temperatures get below zero in the winter, and that’s in Celsius.

The taxi-man had told me that the day before I arrived had been beautiful. As I hurried down the dirty, shadowed streets of Paris, I found myself wondering what a beautiful day in Paris could be like.  Wistfully, I remorsed that I had not arrived in a sooner month so that seeing Paris in its glory would have cheered my coming.

The weather was affecting me so deeply that I decided to include it in my prayers. I asked that I may see the sun tomorrow. I wanted to know that it could exist here.

It came with softness and was brief. First there was sunshine that presented itself on my flat’s floor. When I first recognized it, I peered with exhilaration through my tiny window. Alas, the clouds were bright, but I could not see the sun or sky. Only white thickness.

However, my wishes were granted when I left my flat to find my French school. The expedition turned out to be a failure, except that at one point I looked up and witnessed glorious blue in the sky, between patches of puffy clouds. I was in such awe that I had to stop and take a picture, despite my terrible evasiveness to being a tourist. I admired the small miracle with gladness. It all seems a little silly, but I am grateful for the blessing either way.

I am beginning to see another ray of sunshine in my life. This ray has come in the form of the little boy that I watch over: Léon. Having no friends or loved ones here, Léon has become the chalice for all of my love. Everything I have has been poured into him. Parisiennes are hard and cold, but Léon has accepted me lovingly into his irresistible little arms. It’s been four days and I love him. He understands no English but I pick him up from school. We eat together. We play dead together (“Je suis mort!” “Tu es mort!”—It’s our new game,) and we draw together. Tonight, to Léon’s delight, Sophie had me supervise bath-time. When Léon heard I was going to join, he rushed to the bath and began peeling off his clothing. He bossed at me how to turn on the bath, as I had no clue (Europeans and their strange bathtubs!) Then to his disappointment, I didn’t join him (inside the bathtub) when he demanded it.

                        All-in-all, things are warming up here, chez Paris.